Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
