Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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