are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
