if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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