Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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