I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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