I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Randomize
