party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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