If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
