Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
