I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
