and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
