I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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