I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
