So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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