I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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