My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
