i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
