a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
