her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
