That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
