I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
