awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
