I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
