Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
