DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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