His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
