That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
