My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
