party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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