ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
