Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
PANTIES FOUND
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