i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize