I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
