Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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