i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
