You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You took a bar mat shot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
