You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
