Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
