There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
