Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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