I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
