apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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