my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My vagina just clenched in fear
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
