just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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