I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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