I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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