He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
