Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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