apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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