Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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