i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
