1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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