I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize