My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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