Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
