is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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