i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Couch. On fire.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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