You work out of a Hotel?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
