Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
