Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
