Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
