I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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