his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize