I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
