So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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