I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
