im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
