I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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