Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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